The process is all.
doubting everything
Welcome to Gentle Musings, a publication about reconnecting with yourself, experiencing life as a creative practice, and living out loud. Gentle Musings is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support this work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
Lately…
𓍯𓂃Threw away old socks1
𓍯𓂃Learning how to actually style my wavy hair2
𓍯𓂃Published a new Gentle Musings episode3
𓍯𓂃Tried smoked salmon4
𓍯𓂃Using 40 minute containers to focus5
𓍯𓂃Spending time in health research holes6
𓍯𓂃Watched Zuckerbaby (watch it!!) and The Curse (watch it!!)7
𓍯𓂃Made speculoos with lotsa molasses8
𓍯𓂃Writing, always, while still feeling that it’s not enough (always)9
𓍯𓂃Not checking the news in bed every morning and deleted instagram off my phone, again10
𓍯𓂃Relishing in private sessions with clients11
𓍯𓂃Cleared through over fifty drafts of the Regarding Dew letters12
𓍯𓂃Turned a corner in how I organize my work and thinking13
𓍯𓂃Daring to grow a business that works for my needs14
𓍯𓂃Crafting something special about orienting from consumer to creator15
𓍯𓂃Practicing Qigong16
𓍯𓂃Doubted everything17
And other things like revisiting Daniel Johnston’s music, sharing spring meals with friends, hiking, and lots of studying… and one of the most fulfilling parts of the last week was sitting in on a spring poetry circle with nine elders in a community garden. There was a true sense of togetherness beyond the individual, and a warm feeling of wholesomeness and generosity… and lots of laughter.
There it is, a micro-snapshot of what the days have looked like.
What have you been doing, thinking, feeling, trying, and learning?
I’d love to see a micro-snapshot list of your life lately.
I unexpectedly stepped away from sharing for about three weeks because of doubting everything. My fingers felt heavy at the keyboard. Sharing myself here and in other mediums like audio and video is an ongoing experience of strangeness. With more practice, the strangeness grows.
I grapple with the pleasure of sharing from my heart and process, daring myself to be seen and misunderstood and say things that will be normalizing and useful amid a society that is steeped in alienation and shame, and coming to terms with the limits of the internet.
What I want to share goes necessarily unsaid, not because it might be controversial (living into one’s values without talking about it ruffles feathers anyway) but because privacy is sacred and the lines of self-extraction are blurred. The internet can create an illusion of familiarity and intimacy just as it can facilitate those things in honest and tender ways. The longing to be unfettered in raw expression is all-consuming—the drive to not be misperceived is, too.
I think about the internet as an art practice; I think about internet anonymity; I think about diminishing the centrality of the internet in my practice and work. These are confronting uncertainties to hold and I remember that we hold them together in our own ways. And I’m just grateful you’re here.
XO
Maggy
In case you missed it:
New GENTLE MUSINGS episode called Another way of approaching goals.
Compassion nourishes change and it makes change nourishing, and that is something you deserve—that we each deserve—to feel the nourishment of change, to feel the nourishment of your evolution.
If you listen to it, I’d love to hear your reflections.
Just around the corner:
~~ JOURNALING CIRCLE THIS SUNDAY ~~
This is usually the last Sunday of every month, 11am-11:30am EST —> We’re having it this Sunday to accommodate for Easter.
You bring your journal and however you’re feeling, I’ll bring the prompts and we’ll write together.
Please note: this requires registration but it’s free for paid-subscribers. If you’re a paid-subscriber, or want to become one, you can find the registration button at the bottom of this email
Ok…. liberating!! If you have been in a rut or feeling stagnant, head over to the sock drawer and see what you can let go. I'm way more frugal than I’d like to admit and hold onto well-worn things because there were times when it wasn’t feasible to replace them. And after all, socks with holes still ‘work’. Well, it feels good to say good riddance! And it motivated me to send off my favorite jeans to get mended!
As a kid, I begged to wear makeup and loved styling hair. In my 20s that kind of just…faded. Other things took priority. After years of resorting to a bun, I’m choosing to give time to studying my hair texture and hair needs—this feels both very frivolous and like a basic need at the same time. Apprehensive and excited, I am.
Backdated because I just found it in my drafts! More soon, I promise. If you listen, let me know what you’d think. I’d love to hear from you.
Having never had fish growing up—what can I say? The smell didn’t convince me—and swearing off meat by age 10, this has been a year of trepidatiously trying fish. This week’s experiment left me feeling neither repelled nor satisfied, just… confused? The texture, the idea of it… I still relate to the wariness I felt as a kid. And yet: Protein. Omegas. Taking care of hormones! The experiment continues.
Holy grail of a productivity hack. And here’s the key: get up when the timer goes off! (have the phone on the other side of the room). During breaks: Fresh air, stretching, water, cat cuddles, call a friend to say you’re thinking of them, journal for three minutes—anything off screen.
A lonely place. For all the times I shake my fist at the internet’s omnipresence, I have unending gratitude for the wealth of information available. Hearing about other’s experiences and research (with a grain of salt of course) has been invaluable.
You know when a movie fulfills everything it set out to be? That’s Zuckerbaby. I just adored it. And The Curse: lots of people watched it for Emma Stone, but I am obsessed with everything Nathan Fielder makes. We have Sunday-night-movie-nights in this house, with a projector and either a stiff drink or endless tea. This weekly ritual has had outrageously positive effects on embracing rest as necessary and comforting.
A variation on this recipe. Eating one right now :)
Both the time dedicated to the practice and the writing itself. I’ve been thinking of this quote by Anne Lamott: “Writing can be a pretty desperate endeavor, because it is about some of our deepest needs: our need to be visible, to be heard, our need to make sense of our lives, to wake up and grow and belong.”
And then checked Instagram, again. Hands down the stickiest part of Instagram is checking actual journalism and political analysis. For the last five months, the compulsion to check on Gaza within the first minutes of the day and then repeatedly throughout the day has been unrelenting. Witnessing, witnessing, witnessing. Not doing this first thing is extremely difficult, melting the freeze, and I’m naming it to make it more concrete. Early morning is a time to meet grief, not information.
It is a living dream to offer Creative Mentorship and feels like the most impactful way that I can offer my skills at this time. If you have had even an inkling of a curiosity about it what private sessions might be like, start with this exploratory survey (I think you’ll enjoy it) or reply back to have a conversation together.
Overthinker, who me?!
Following my heart and being stubborn about my dreams has meant exceptional sacrifices—late nights missing out on things, repeatedly putting myself out there on the internet (hello!) with crickets, having unsteady financial stability (and more I talk about here). At this point, why not be stubborn about growing a business that truly works with my nature? That truly breaks the subtle conventions that I continue to uphold? That dares to do things differently—very differently—on behalf of shifting paradigms.
For over a year now, I’ve had a piece of paper on my wall that says ‘CONSUMER TO CREATOR’. Far from strict categories, I think of this along the lines of pivoting toward wholeness, and wholly related to stepping away from Instagram.
With Mimi Kuo-Deemer on Youtube.
EVERYTHING.
Hey, you made it to the bottom of the letter. Will you fill this out?!
Hope to see you this Sunday at the journaling circle!